Relationships

Dating Your Partner’s Potential? Here’s Why It’s A Big No-No

"I know he's a farm boy with dreams of living on a ranch, but give me time and I'll convince him the beach is where its at!"

“I know he hates swimming and being in the water, but give me time and I’ll convince him the beach is where it’s at!”

Dating potential has become a very common phenomenon today. For the sake of those who don’t know what dating potential means, it simply means dating someone for what you think they will become in the future.

Here’s a typical example. Since it’s harder for women to meet and date rich guys today because of competition, evolving social scenes etc., some women have devised clever tactics of identifying potentially rich guys and dating them with the hope that they will eventually become rich in the future.

Men haven’t been left out of the dating potential craze. Some men also date women’s potential i.e. dating women who are party animals with the hope that they will settle down and make perfect wives in the future.

What most people fail to understand is that dating potential is a formula for disaster. It shouldn’t be about the type of car you think your partner will be driving in the future or the person they will be when they eventually get tired of partying.

The best thing to do is to pay attention to the kind of person you are dating now i.e. what they have to offer today. If you’ve been dating someone for years hoping they will change into the person you have visualized them to be in the future, stop wasting your time! You’ll never be satisfied in that kind of relationship.

It’s normal to want to change some things about your partner. For instance, you may want to change how your boyfriend interacts with kids in the hope of molding him into a perfect father in the future. It is however important to note that if you don’t like how he currently interacts and relates with kids, he won’t be any different once he has his own kids with you.

You may also hate how your girlfriend flirts with other guys. You shouldn’t think or hope it will be any different once you marry her. You must stop thinking about who you want your partner to be in the future and deal with them as they are now.

You must be realistic when dating. As much as you would want to like everything about your partner, it is important to note that there are a few things you can’t change about them. Change has to come from within.

It is however important to have a list of deal breakers. For instance, if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a smoker, then don’t date a smoker in the hope that you will convince them to quit smoking in the future. Also, if having a family is important to you, don’t date a man or a woman who has little interest in parenthood expecting to change their mindset in the future. It’s a formula for disaster.

Instead, steer clear of all deal breakers in your list. Forget about compromising on things that are important to you. You’re better off staying alone than settling for less in the hope of getting more in the future.

Dating a person’s potential is one of the main reasons behind many failed marriages today. If you marry someone hoping you’ll change them and they don’t, you will be miserable and bail at some point.

I personally recommend having a checklist so you know exactly what you can’t compromise before you begin dating. There are very many resources out there about this. Before you become serious with someone, you better be equipped with the right knowledge and mindset.

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